Boredom stories: Part 2 - The kender and the pig
by GuaRRand
Summary: A friendly visit to your friends is always fun...u never know what might happen..


The Kender and the Pig  
  
GuaRRand woke up with a scream.  
  
"EEEEK!!"  
  
He jumped outta bed and look around in confusion.  
  
What time was it, where was he, how did he get here and most importantly, was there any cheeze left in the fridge?  
  
He zigzagged through the crowd and walked over to his fridge.  
  
Looking through the hole in the wall he saw that it would be a beautifull day.  
  
The sun was shining, the birds were singing, the dogs were barking and the goblins were slaughtering the neighbours (they had it coming).  
  
Putting on his spandex pants (grrr) he kissed his wife on the feet (why was she lying the wrong way around?) and walked out the door for his morning walk.  
  
He decided he wouldn't go to the freeway today. because it was a carfree sunday anyway, so there wouldn't be many accidents to enjoy.  
  
He therefor decided he would visit his old friend Knitz Wanderfoot.  
  
While he was walking to Knitz, GuaRRand stumbled upon a small yellow feathered animal.  
  
"HELLO!!..what's this then" GuaRRand said.  
  
"KREEE KREEE" screamed the little yellow feathered animal.  
  
"Kree kree??" GuaRRand thought, "wtf is that supposed to mean?  
  
Are you calling me names?? GuaRRand said.  
  
"KREE KREEEEE said the yellow animal again.  
  
"OK THATS IT!! said GuaRRand and he stomped the yellow animal.  
  
While stomping away at the animal (damn, it was hard to kill, which is a SAD movie btw) the feathers flew every which way.  
  
One of them actually attacked his nose.  
  
This made GuaRRand sneeze SO loud that he blew the little pigs house down in one sneeze.  
  
This made the pigs very mad indeed, they had just finished installing their new firewire network and had themselves a 1337 LAN server park setup.  
  
The pigs walked over to GuaRRand, Shovels and axes in their hands.  
  
GuaRRand, never afraid of anything, and SURELY not of three hams, was looking in amusement at the three approaching pigs.  
  
He was just about to cast Summon Big Bad Wolves when a dragon dropped out of the sky.  
  
With one big flame salvo the dragon BBQ'ed the pigs.  
  
GuaRRand, who hadn't eaten yet, was greatful for this BBQ fest and started to dig in.  
  
"OH BOY" said GuaRRand, "This is my lucky day it seems"  
  
"I really needed a new shovel and axe!!"  
  
WHen he finished eating the three pigs (hey, he was hungry ok!!) he turned to the dragon.  
  
"Yo, gimmi 5" said GuaRRand  
  
"Sorry, i am all out of cash" said the dragon.  
  
"Out of cash?..ur a dragon, u guys always have a treasure stacked somewhere"  
  
"Sorry, hard times have befallen us dragons, inflation, high fuel prices, dental plan. You know how hard it is for a dragon to get a good dental plan??"  
  
"Ok, ok.. 2.50 then?" asked GuaRRand, who wasn't about to give up, dragons were always good for a buck or two.  
  
" Nope, sorry, i am all out of cash. I have some cookies though"  
  
Utterly depressed but with a full stomach GuaRRand resumed his way to Knitz's house.  
  
  
  
Finaly he arrived at Knitz's house.  
  
He opened the port, walked up the driveway (nice Benz!!), petted the dobbermans (watch the hands, their not insured!!), marvelled at the large pinwood trees and arrived at the door.  
  
"HE KNITZ, YOU HOME M8" yelled GuaRRand  
  
"NO, I AM FACTORY BUILD!" came the reply from inside.  
  
NOTE FROM THE WRITER:Everybody get that one?  
  
Knitz opened the door and invited GuaRRand in.  
  
Knitz's place was a simple house.  
  
Knitz being a Kender ment that his house was full of little thing-a-majigs and interesting maps from every place imaginable.  
  
There was even a complete map of a place called sigil, which ment nothing to GuaRRand, but then again, he was having problems with his shortterm memory of late.  
  
Just when they where about to sit down for a spot of tea, the doorbell rang.  
  
"That's strange" Knitz said, "I don't even have a telephone!"  
  
Knitz opened the door and stared straight into a bellybutton.  
  
Knitz, always the explorer, poke the bellybutton and prodded it with his hoopak, which he had lying around for situations just like these .  
  
"HEY, STOP THAT, That tickles" said a voice from above.  
  
"IS THAT YOU GOD?" said Knitz.  
  
"No, its the mailman" said the voice.  
  
"Oh, well, can't you just leave the mail on the doorstep?" said knitz.  
  
"Errmm..you don't have a doorstep" said the voice.  
  
"so?, why don't you just ring the doorbell and give it to me then" said knitz.  
  
"Uhm, ok" said the voice.  
  
Knitz closed the door.  
  
RING RING  
  
"Hey, that's weird" said knitz, "there goes my telephone again"  
  
Knitz opened the door and to make a long discussion short, he recieved a package, signed for it, gave a tip and closed the door.  
  
"What's in the package" GuaRRand asked.  
  
Knitz opened the package and looked inside.  
  
"A note" said Knitz.  
  
"Kewl, what does it say" said GuaRRand  
  
Knitz unfolded the note and read it out loud.  
  
"From Bioware, to the writer of this story. KENDER ARE NOT IN THIS GAME!!, SO STOP THIS IMMIDIATLY!!.  
  
Greetings Bioware"  
  
"FAWK" said Knitz and dissappeared.  
  
"Go figure" said GuaRRand and walked home again.  
  
-END- 


End file.
